When you’re trying to get pregnant and not having success, it can be a time of great sadness, anger, and frustration. Here are some ways you can take care of yourself during this time.
- Come up with a fixed response to the intrusive questions about why you don’t have children and if you’re planning to have children etc. These questions can be well meaning but they can feel like rubbing salt on a wound. If you know ahead of time what your response will be, it will be slightly easier to deal with. Some examples of responses include “we do want to have a family someday” “having children is not something we wish to discuss with you” If you want to share a little about your journey or open the door to a conversation you may say “it hasn’t happened for us yet, but we hope it will soon” or “we are not finding it as easy as most people seem to”
- Give yourself permission to have your feelings. By this I mean, if you’re feeling angry then give yourself permission to feel angry. If you’re feeling sad, then feel sad. Many times there is a tendency to not feel that we are entitled to our feelings and that we should be grateful for what we have. This can especially be true if you already have a child and are suffering from secondary infertility. Whether you have one child, or many children, your feelings are yours to have whatever they may be.
- Opt out of baby showers or other child-centered events if you need to. If the thought of attending a baby shower is too much, considering declining the invitation. Unless it is a close family member or very close friend, there should be little to no explanation needed about why you can't attend.
- Spend time developing and sustaining any hobbies or activities that have nothing to do with your journey to have a family or are child-related. When you’re struggling with infertility it is hard to not become obsessed with having a baby and easy to lose touch with other parts of your life. If these hobbies or activities include your partner that is even better, as he is likely struggling with his own feelings about infertility.
- Get support. Infertility is still very much taboo and people aren’t comfortable talking about it because they don’t understand it or know what to say. You can also find support from friends who understand, online support groups, and formal support groups such as resolve.org. If you feel like you aren’t getting the support you need or your feelings are impacting your functioning you may want to consider finding a therapist who specializes in working with infertility.
Bina Bird, MA,. LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist serving Haslet, TX and the surrounding DFW areas. Learn more about me at http://hasletcounseling.com or call 817.676.8858 for a free phone consultation. My specialties include couples, preteens/adolescents, and women's issues-infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, postpartum and other life transitions.
Disclaimer: The content provided here is intended for informational purposes only. Reading articles and content on this website does not constitute a therapeutic relationship.